The Mortal Life - James

June 17, 2019


Living with a witch is not an easy job! It takes patience and a very open mind and alot of sarcasm.


My wife, Nicki, is a wiccan or witch. So are my two girls.



I try to be the boss but I don't want visitors when I sleep so I acquiesce. There is no point in arguing with her because I want to keep my chair. Long story.  When she looks at me crazy, I know I'm in trouble for something. Now you might say that is most women, but when a witch does it your life goes to hell without icewater and she loves to watch it burn! 
You get your life back charred when you apologize.


Sometimes I hate coming home because I never know who will be there. The four of us is fine. It's the invisibles that make my @Icee truck a great hangout. The creepy shit that happens daily is enough to make you wonder.  I just  ignore it. It can't bother you if your not willing to accept it.

I guess I should be thankful our house and yard doesn't have a million cats or other pets. You know how a witch and their familar are.



She probably would have one, but her cosmic cousin has the cat thing on lock for her.


I sleep in a room with f***ing Chucky and his bride Tiffany. Not pleasent in the middle of the night, but I'm getting used to them. I wish Nicki was put off by horror sometimes. Thats never gonna happen. My children and my wife love the creepy, strange, and unusual.

I know she is plotting with the f***er's against me!


I try not to say much about her creepy friends .  If I bitch to much, she smiles that creepy smile and I know hangin with her hommies is the least of my worries.


I do pick at her alot though with memes, every chance I get. I love anything with her alternative transportation; broom.



Then the local pool installed this awesome witch dunker and I; being the loyal husband; let her know to stay clear.


Nicki and the girls are always brewing up some kind of tea or something and my house looks like the forest.



I have pictures of dead people we do not know in the house. All from centuries past and one of them looks way to much like Nicki.


Everytime I think I won, I come home and some of the furniture is missing. She is determined to live in the woods.


Despite everything,  I know she cares for our family happiness more than anything else. She is driven to create and sustain the best path possible for us. She is an awesome mother and a terriffic wife. She is never jealous or judgemental. She has never asked me to give up friends or change who I am. She allows us all to be the people we were meant to be. For that I will always call her home. Home will never be places we stay or the homes we live in just the woman by my side. 


I'm just a mortal man in love with a witch.

Besides, everyone knows if you can't stand the heat in the cauldron, get out the cottage. Because.....



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